A 2024 Thortful report found that 71% of cash-strapped Brits have skipped a friend’s birthday party because they simply can’t afford it.
And with the cozzie livs showing absolutely no signs of relenting in 2025, it doesn’t seem like the trend will reverse any time soon.
Which makes Redditor u/Quick_Aioli6466′s recent post to r/AITAH (Am I The Asshole Here) seem even more unfair.
The 30-year-old poster said she felt blindsided by her friend’s seemingly self-serving (and misleading) birthday party payment plan.
So, we spoke to Dr Pamela Walters, a consultant psychiatrist, about what’s fair to ask of your guests financially.
The original poster (OP) felt misled
The Redditor said that a friend of hers (“Megan”), who owns a restaurant with her partner, “Dave,” chose to hold her birthday in the couple’s “popular” venue.
“They invited about 40 people” to their restaurant, the woman added.
“They closed the restaurant for the night just for the event… it was a private party with only their intended guests.”
At the beginning of the night, OP says Dave raised a toast to Megan and beseeched the guests to order “whatever you want.”
So she and multiple other guests were pretty surprised to receive bills the following day from the business owners, many of which ran into the hundreds.
“Everyone kind of assumed it was being hosted, or at the very least subsidised,” she continued.
She reckons the hosting couple profited to the tune of about £3,750, which left her feeling “icky” and suspicious of a “cash grab.”
The poster and multiple other guests “have been keeping their distance” from Megan since then, the woman ended.
“Guests should never be left guessing about financial obligations”
Though this is a pretty extreme case, Dr Walters tells us that no matter what, “Etiquette around such events requires hosts to openly communicate expectations regarding expenses to their guests before.
“Guests should never be left guessing about financial obligations and this ambiguity can lead to embarrassment or even resentment, and it’ll taint the very joy of the occasion,” she adds.
If you’re picking a place where people are likely to spend a lot, she continues, “I think you should be either clearly notifying guests of expected costs or offering to subsidise part or all of the expense yourself.”
After all, guests who may have sacrificed a lot to show up for their loved one “should have their comfort and preferences considered just as much as the host. Celebrations should be inclusive occasions where you can feel valued and relaxed, not anxious about the bill.”
Ultimately, Dr Walters says, “choosing a costly venue is not inherently wrong but failing to be transparent very much is.
“Communicate clearly, set expectations openly, and ensure your celebration remains memorable for the right reasons.”
#Fair #Guests #Expensive #Birthday #Party
